Mine is an entirely different kind of tragedy than the one that brought him to this place. How do you tell a man, even a handsome, caring, kind man whom you've just met that you've been destroyed? How does a woman explain to someone that she has just spent most of a week being raped almost constantly? What expression would I see on his face if I told him that I allowed myself to be gang raped by at least fifty men? Would he still stand here and drink beer with me if he learned that I've been fucked by two large mutts, not once but twice?I don't think so. I would surely see the disgust on his face that I feel for myself. I don't want to see that on this nice man's face. I don't know why it matters, but it does.That's why I couldn't believe it when, despite all the very good reasons for keeping my mouth shut I heard myself begin to tell him what has happened to me since early childhood when my father left my mother and me alone.He stood there and stared at the bridge with me and he. “What brings you by tonight?”“I wanted to talk to you, man to man,” he said. “May I come in?”I nodded and stood aside. I had a feeling I wasn’t going to like this talk. I led him into the living room and we sat down to talk.“Thanks for talking to me,” he said uncomfortably. “I understand that this week has been hard on you. I’m sorry that I haven’t been by to see you before now.”“That’s okay,” I told him. “You left me with the understanding that Jennifer was your concern and everything else came second. I’m glad she had your support this week.”“How have you been?” he asked tentatively.“Suicidal, too sick to eat most of the week, unable to sleep without seeing things no man should ever watch his wife doing, devastated that it was my friends and co-workers that she was doing it with. Humiliated at how funny they found the whole situation, worried about retribution from them in the wake of all of this,” I told him simply, without any bite in my voice. “How have you and Sylvie been.
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